The NFL Cash For Clunkers

In honor of the U.S. federal program “Cash for Clunkers” ( U.S. residents can purchase a new more fuel efficient vehicle when trading in a less fuel efficient vehicle) here are some NFL players that are overpaid and teams wish they could get something in return for these clunkers.

QB: JaMarcus Russell (Oak) – Nothing says clunker like a quarterback that is a Twinkie away from 300 lbs. This quarterback will get benched for Jeff Garcia at some point this season and Russell will go down as one of the worst No.1 overall picks in NFL history.

QB: Dan Orlovsky (Hou) – This bum doesn’t make that much money, but it baffles me that a team was willing to pay a quarterback that had no idea he ran out of the back of the end zone. There are Pee Wee football teams that know better than that.

RB: Larry Johnson (KC) – The Kansas City Chiefs running back hasn’t had over 1,000 yards in two seasons. Eight touchdowns in two years sounds like a clunker to me.

RB: Willis McGahee (Balt) – I would love to see his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, try and convince people that the former University of Miami running back has much left. McGahee rushed for only 671 yards last season and has a career average of 3.9 yards per carry.

WR: Javon Walker (Oak)- This troubled receiver has 473 receiving yards combined the last two seasons. If Tom Cable can get anything out of this guy this season, I will be shocked.

WR: Ernest Wilford (Mia) – The former fourth round pick had 25 receiving yards last season and did not play in nine games because he was a healthy scratch. Bill Parcells definitely regrets signing Wilford and I doubt Wilford lasts another year with the Dolphins.

WR: Sidney Rice (Min) – This former second round pick had only 537 yards on the season. His future is also in doubt as Percy Harvin is expected to take plenty of balls away from Rice.

TE: Vernon Davis (SF) – Mike Singletary should win NFL coach of the year if he can get anything out of this prima donna. Davis had 358 yards in 16 games last season. We do give him props for calling out fellow baby Michael Crabtree.

OL:  Jason Peters (Phi) and any offensive linemen that decide to hold out for more money and then show up fat. If you are going to hold out, at least make sure you are in shape.

DE: Chris Kelsay (Buf) – The Bills re-signed this unproven defensive end to a 4-year, $23 million contract. Kelsay had two sacks last year for the Bills. I don’t care if he has a good motor and practices hard, results say he is overpaid.

DE: Jamal Anderson (ATL) – This former first round pick out of Arkansas also went without a sack in his rookie season and only had two sacks last season. Anderson might want to try some of the white powder that the other Jamal Anderson was busted for to try and light a fire under his a**.

DT: Justin Harrell (GB): This former Tennessee defensive tackle has never been healthy in the NFL. Harrell has yet to record a sack in his two year NFL career.

DT: John McCargo (Buf): This former first round pick was drafted one spot ahead of current Carolina Panthers running back DeAngelo Williams. This is his last year in Buffalo to prove that he deserves to be employed by an NFL Team. He could end up being the next Erik Flowers (that is not a good thing).

LB: Bobby Carpenter (Dal) – The Cowboys picked him over corner back Antonio Cromartie and wide receiver Santonio Holmes. Carpenter’s next sack will finally give him 2.5 sacks on his career. Anytime a Big Ten fan thinks the Big Ten has enough speed to hang with the SEC, think of this guy.

LB: Derrick Johnson (KC) – This guy had Pro Bowl written all over him after having a great college career at Texas. He had 1.5 sacks last year and needs to become more of a force this year for the Chiefs.

LB: Vernon Gholston (NYJ) – Rex Ryan better hope he can get anything out of this former Ohio St. defensive end. Gholston managed to prove that he was worthy of a first round pick by not registering a sack the whole season. This might be the biggest clunker on the list.

S: Michael Huff (Oak) – This safety received $15 million guaranteed as part of his rookie contract and has one total interception in three seasons. Ouch.

S: Jason Allen (Mia) – Another former Tennessee player that has done nothing in the NFL. Prediction: Allen will get cut either during the season or in the offseason after having a very below average NFL career.

CB: Marlin Jackson (Ind) – The former first round pick has three interceptions in four seasons. Thankfully, the Colts have the machine that is safety Bob Sanders.

CB: Johnathan Joseph (Cin) – Another first round pick that struggled last year with only one interception in eight games. He had four interceptions the year before but had no interceptions in his rookie season.

Coach: Wade Phillips (Dal) – If I think of the word clunker, I think Wade Phillips. Two things baffle me about Phillips: Teams always hire him and he has a gorgeous daughter. Remember his great decision to bench Doug Flutie for Rob Johnson? Remember the Music City Miracle? The only thing that Bills fans and Dallas Cowboys fans agree on is that Phillips is the biggest clunker in the NFL.